Contents of this article
- 1. Philosophical and humorous jokes
- 2. 00 pictures of jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing
- 3. Classic jokes
- 4.100 Funny Humorous Jokes Short
Philosophical humorous jokes
Humorous stories are humorous and will enrich your personality; each story is very close to your life and can bring you happiness and relaxation in addition to your intense study life. Some short stories directly shake up the "baggage" and inspire you to laugh; while more short stories are intelligent jokes that require a sharp turn in your thinking before you laugh. Below are a hundred philosophical and humorous jokes that I have collected for you. Can you feel anything from them?
The 100 most philosophical humorous jokes
1. I am like a fly lying on the glass. The future is bright, but I can’t find a way out.
2. Crowded in Beijing, causing trouble for the capital...
3. My heart is full of love, and all the beauties in the world are lovers.
4. If Taiwan is not recovered for a day, I will not be able to reach Level 4!
5. Oh, oh, Eyiwu, roundabout, touching Fudetne, Legoko, drinking machine, Qixi, eating corpses, Japanese female thoughts
6. Live well, because we will die for a long, long time...
7. If you see a shadow in front of you, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you.
8. Carnival is the loneliness of a group of people...
9. God gave us seven emotions and six desires, but we turned them into pornography and violence.
10. Being handsome is useless! In the end, you won’t be eaten by the pawns!
11. Let housing prices rise even more violently!
12. Who can be as loyal to their partner as they are to RMB?
13. If you bleed...will it hurt?
14. They said I was BT and asked me to have a CT scan, but it turned out I was ET.
15. Be a person who hovers between Cow A and Cow C.
16. I am busy during the day and busy at night.
17. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am in front of you!
18. It must be my handsomeness that hurts me!
19. Life is her person, death is her mascot.
20. If the sun doesn’t come out, I won’t go to work; if it does, I’ll continue to sleep!
21. I accidentally ate a bottle of "Black Chicken Baifeng Pills". This is great, I have nosebleeds for a few days every month.
22. A blind man lighting a lamp may not be a sign of stupidity, but it may be a sign of wisdom or even magnanimity...
23. 24K Pure man! Pure!
24. You are truly a beauty. That is to say, you are only beautiful in the tunnel, because there are no lights in the tunnel.
25. Squatting in the toilet, thinking about 5 million...
26. What should I write? Will you believe it if I write it? What? You really believe it, why are you so naive!
27. I would have known that looking back five hundred times in my past life could lead to meeting you in this life. I should cut my head off in exchange for meeting you in this life.
28. A strong life does not need explanation.
29. My lover calls me the third party!
30. Oh my God, my clothes have lost weight again!
31. Youth is like toilet paper. It seems like there are quite a lot of them, but once I use them, it’s not enough.
32. When I get angry, winter will come; when I get angry in winter, I will become a man in long johns.
33. Grandpas come from grandsons...
A collection of 100 philosophical jokes
34. If you want to marry, marry someone else first and then marry me. Take his savings, lead his sister, and drive that BMW.
35. Love is like pi, infinite and non-cyclical...
36. I don’t know how to play music, chess, calligraphy and painting, but I’m tired of doing laundry and cooking.
37. One mountain cannot accommodate two tigers, except one male and one female.
38. We are looking for young girls to come together to fill the water; I will fill the head of the Yangtze River, and you will fill the tail of the Yangtze River.
39. Water can carry a boat and cook porridge!
40. It may seem possible, but it may not be impossible.
41. I drank to drown the pain, but this damn pain learned to swim.
42. Don’t wait until everyone says you are ugly to find out that you are really ugly.
43. If you cannot put on a wedding dress for the woman you love, please stop unbuttoning her clothes.
44. Falling is not terrible. What is terrible is that when a person falls, he is very sober!
45. In the past, you took off your underwear to look at your butt; now, you pull off your butt and look at your underwear. Because of the thong I was wearing.
46. I will give you the heaviest poop gift ever, and you will definitely eat a pound of it.
47. My favorite day: January 31st; my most hated day: December 1st.
48. Summer is here, the weather is getting hot, a group of SBs are flying north, sometimes forming an S shape, sometimes forming a B shape...
49. Opportunities are like yin. As long as you hold them in your hands, they will become bigger and bigger.
50. You can see the words I type on the screen, but you can’t see the tears I shed on the keyboard...
51. I am a naked centipede!
52. No, even if the bowl is made of iron, what are you going to eat if there is no food in it?
53. Promise, like "X your mother", is often said, but difficult to keep.
54. Time is like cleavage, as long as you squeeze it there will always be some!
55. Men conquer women by conquering the world! Women conquer the world by conquering men!
56. Is it too late to start loving you now?
57. I died, but I stood up again in the fire. Do you think it was Nirvana or corpse transformation?
58. I have no regrets about my life, but I feel guilty in my heart. As long as I don’t die... I vow to make as much RMB as possible!
59. Live with the attitude of death...
60. I come quietly, leave quietly, wave my dagger, and leave no one alive.
61. If each girlfriend were replaced by one word, my love history could be a novel.
62. The three most romantic words are not "I love you", but "together".
63. The departure of the leaves, is it the tree’s unwillingness to retain it, or the wind’s pursuit?
64. Our devout prayer: the year-end bonus will be just a little more; the leader’s emotional promise: the new year’s work will be just a little less.
65. Love comes by cheating, and feelings come by sleeping.
66. Do a good job, teach students well, build a good website, be a good writer, and live a good life...
100 classic philosophical and humorous jokes
67. I really want to have a wife with whom I can talk and love. The reality is very helpless, so I still have to wait!
68. Why pretend to be pure when they are all water? Why pretend to be sheep when they are all wolves?
69. Those with wings are not necessarily angels. My mother said they are birdmen.
70. I am a little bird. I want to fly but I can’t fly high... Huh? It turns out I don’t have any hair.
71. There is a kind of silence called domineering, there is a kind of introversion called individuality, there is a kind of simplicity called deepness, and there is a kind of disdain called self.
72. When my teacher told me the definition of "handsome guy" when I was a child, I couldn't understand it. Later, my colleague took out a mirror for me. OY! Suddenly I understood.
73. Because of the unbearable loneliness, I fell in love several times. Who would have thought that after repeated defeats, he would be easily kicked!
74. In the 21st century, what is most important—me!
75. The most terrible way to miss someone is to sit next to her and know that you will never have her.
76. Life is so fucking fun, because life keeps fucking playing with me.
77. I don’t know whose wife is on my bed. I don’t know whose bed my wife is on!
78. Don’t speak English in front of me in the future, okay?
79. Fuck love!
80. Everyone says that I am an actor because my eyes become round when I see a pretty girl...
81. The forest is big and there are all kinds of birds. Society has become complicated, and there are people of all kinds. What kind of person am I, I'm just wondering?
82. It is difficult for a rich man to be a man without money!
83. Never stop smiling, even when you are sad, maybe someone will fall in love with you because of your smile.
84. The farthest distance in the world is not the separation between life and death, but when I stand in front of you, you don’t know: I love you!
85. Wear other people’s shoes, walk your own path, and let them find it.
86. I study deliberately, work deliberately, live deliberately, and live like a human being deliberately!
87. When you grow up, you want to marry Tang Seng as your husband. If you want to be pampered, dote on him. If you don’t want to play with him, eat him up.
88. It takes thousands of years to change from a monkey to a human, but it only takes a bottle of wine to change from a human to a monkey.
89. It’s you who are too bad! It’s not me who is bad!
90. Maybe I am too ordinary and have no personality!
91. It is said that the only animal in the world that can maintain eternal love is a hedgehog - because hedgehogs can never get too close.
92. The more arrogant you are online, the kinder you are offline.
93. When you are not online, I will always look at your information in a daze.
94. Love is like two people holding a rubber band. The one who gets hurt is always the one who is unwilling to let go!
95. Many dreams are used to satisfy hunger by reality.
96. My name is Chuhe, can you call me Dangwu?
97. I threw the coin into the air: if it came up heads, I would go to MSN, if it came up tails, I would go to QQ, if the coin stood up, I would go to self-study.
98. I saw a beautiful girl yesterday. I thought about her for a long time at night, but in the morning I couldn’t remember what she looked like. I heard it was called a one-night stand. well!
99. The important thing in life is not where you stand, but the direction you are facing.
100. Every morning when I get up, I read the Forbes list of richest people. If my name is not on it, I go to work...
00 Pictures of Jokes That Will Make Your Stomach Hurt from Laughing
When it comes to 100 jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing so hard, everyone knows that some people ask about the super funny jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing. In addition, some people also want to ask about jokes that make you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts! The more the merrier, thank you! , do you know what's going on? In fact, the 100 jokes that make your stomach hurt from laughing are short. Let’s take a look at the super funny jokes. They must be the kind that make your stomach hurt from laughing. I hope it can help everyone!
100 Jokes That Will Make Your Stomach Hurt from Laughing
1. A joke that makes your stomach hurt from laughing: A super funny joke must be the kind that makes your stomach hurt from laughing.
1. Parrot: Although each of my speeches is short, it is very attractive. I am the first animal in the animal kingdom that can speak in bird language and Chinese. I am a veritable bilingual speaker.
2. Rooster: I only speak one sentence, and I like to speak at dawn. This unique speech is both my classic opening and inspiring conclusion.
3. Cicada: A loud voice when giving a speech is the most basic requirement for a speaker, and I have always done it well. As a successful speaker, I do not agree with being low-key. I advocate high-profile every day. I can hold my breath for dozens of seconds during a speech. This specialty is worth learning by every speaker. A joke that makes you laugh out loud in one second.
4. Crow: Actually, I like giving speeches, but I just have a bad memory. Every time I say the opening words of a speech, "Ah——", I forget the following words. No wonder people don't like my speeches, they are very unpleasant.
100 Short Jokes That Will Make Your Stomach Hurt from Laughing
5. Dog: Do you know why I keep repeating the word "Woof-Woof-Woof" during my speech? In fact, there is a reason. I am illiterate. I have known this word since I was a child. Of course, I also use this word when giving speeches. It makes me very embarrassed to give a one-word speech.
6. Fish: I am not good at words, because I know that silence is golden, and I know that speaking is worse than listening. Many netizens like diving when chatting online. To be honest, they all learned it from me.
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1. A person is stupid. He wants to pay his birthday to his father-in-law, but he doesn’t know how to say nice things.
His wife taught him: "I wish my father-in-law to be as blessed as the East Sea and live as long as the Southern Mountains."
He was afraid that he had forgotten the good words, so he read them while walking. When crossing the single-plank bridge, he felt a little flustered, swaying from side to side, and sweating all over.
Crossed the bridge, oops! I forgot both sentences! Go back and ask again, the road is too far.
He suddenly thought: The words were lost while crossing the bridge. They must have fallen into the river. Go into the water and touch them! But after touching it for a long time, where can I find it? I had no choice but to move forward listlessly.
Just as the banquet started, the eldest son-in-law stood up and toasted: "I wish my father-in-law to be as blessed as the East China Sea and live as long as the Southern Mountains!"
At this time, he happened to arrive, and when he heard it, he became furious. He rushed forward, slapped the eldest son-in-law, and cursed: "It turns out that you picked up my words and made me feel so miserable in the river." !”
2. Liu suffered from an eye disease. When he went out to see a doctor, his pants were bitten by his own dog.
When the doctor diagnosed him, he also told the doctor about the dog biting his clothes.
The doctor jokingly said to him: "The dog's eyes in your home must be sick, otherwise, how could it bite the owner's clothes?"
When Liu got home, he thought: "This dog's eyes are sick. It's a small thing if he bites me. But if a thief comes at night and he can't see it, then it will be a big deal!"
So, he boiled the medicine prescribed by the doctor and fed it to the dog first, while he ate the remaining medicine residue himself.
3. A man wanted to hit a spatula, and a blacksmith happened to pass by the door. He called the blacksmith into the room, took a weight and asked the blacksmith to hit it. 2000 brain teasers for kids.
The blacksmith said: "This is pig iron and cannot be beaten." 25 sand sculptures did a brain teaser.
The man said: "Then come tomorrow and I will give you wrought iron." A thousand brain teasers made me laugh to death.
The next day the blacksmith arrived as promised, and the man took the weight out of the pot.
The blacksmith said unhappily: "I told you this is pig iron and cannot be used!"
Unexpectedly, this person also lost his temper: "If your skills are not good, don't show off! Yesterday I put this weight in a pot and boiled it over high heat for most of the night. How can you say it's still raw!" He laughed out loud in a minute.
The above is the sharing of super funny jokes that must be the kind that make your stomach hurt from laughing. After reading 100 jokes that made me laugh until my stomach hurt, I hope this helps everyone!
classic joke
A collection of classic jokes
Introduction: Do you know what the classic jokes are? The relatively simple and humorous classic jokes are hilarious. The material of the jokes comes from daily life, adding a little fun to the boring life. The following article is a collection of very classic jokes about classics. I hope you like it. We hope to deliver more happiness and joy to everyone.
classic joke 1
1. I called you just now, and the voice prompt said: Sorry, the user you called is going to the toilet, please try again later! Then I pulled it out again, and it said: Sorry, the user you dialed has fallen into the toilet. Are you okay?
2. What color are ants’ teeth? Hehe, I can’t guess. Let me tell you, Guo Meimei's "Not Afraid, Not Afraid" Ant Teeth Black, Ant Teeth Black, Ant Teeth Black. That’s why ants’ teeth are black
3. "There was once a very simple riddle placed in front of me: The pig cried and asked me to name a song. I guessed and guessed and guessed. Until someone told me the answer was: Your face with tears. A puppy climbed onto the dining table and crawled towards a roasted chicken. The owner yelled, "I will do whatever you want to do to that roasted chicken. As a result, the puppy licked the chicken's butt and the owner fainted!" "
4. You met me by chance, and I was so flustered that I didn’t know what to do. I can't avoid your loving eyes. I understand your heart. I ran away desperately but you followed me closely. I cried: "Whose dog is left unattended?"
5. When a sales girl in a department store fell in love for the first time and kissed her boyfriend for the first time, she asked confusedly and passionately: Do you want anything else?
6. The mouse was very depressed without a girlfriend. Finally, a bat agreed to marry him, and the mouse was very happy. Others laughed at his lack of vision. Mouse: What do you know? She is a stewardess after all.
7. "A certain man and a certain woman were sitting on the bus. When the bus arrived, the certain man accidentally dropped his cigarette when he got off the bus. When the certain girl saw it, she said: Sir, you dropped the cigarette! The man was furious: You just castrated it!"
8. Nine out of ten households in a community had security doors installed, and only one did not. One day, nine households were robbed at the same time, but the thief wrote on the door of the house without security doors: Don’t worry, I will too. Don't worry! Good night!
9. "Why don't you marry me? My village is relatively rich. Communication is basically by shouting, and transportation is mainly by walking. Farming is mainly by cattle, lighting is mainly by oil, heating is basically by shivering, getting rich is basically by stealing, and there are basically no beautiful women!"
10. Woman: Twenty years old - football, twenty people grab it! Thirty years old - Basketball, ten people compete! Forty years old - table tennis, two people pushing it back and forth! Fifty years old—golf, hit as far as you can
11. One day, Xiaodong and Xiaoming went to play and saw a hole in the pants of the person in front of them. Xiaodong said: That person worked so hard that his pants were torn; Xiao Ming said: That person must have farted so often that his pants were torn!
12. Your clothes are neat and environmentally friendly, your body is crystal-clear and soft, your skin is white and smooth, your heart is rich and colorful, your figure is well-proportioned and angular, and your scent is fragrant. I like you - Zongzi
13. There was a family of three. The father called him a robber, his mother called him a kitchen knife, and his son called him trouble. One day, his son suddenly disappeared. The father took his mother to the police station and told the police, "I am a robber. I came here with a kitchen knife and I am looking for trouble."
14. A, B I saw a person as soon as I opened my eyes. This is C, my D. Oh my God, it’s you. You are stretching your neck, looking at your hands with a proud expression G and grinning like a HH. .
15. If you have a mobile phone, I will be your listening card; if you have a landline, I will be your receiver; if you have a PHS, I will accompany you to roam. My dear, let me be your eyes. !
16. The first couplet: Mahjong poker gold flowers, go home after losing; the second couplet: The ancient road is westerly and the horse is thin, the heartbroken man is at the end of the world, the horizontal comment: How miserable!
17. "I searched and searched! I kept searching! What am I looking for? I'm looking for dry food, water, and legendary love!" You are as kind as a cat, you are loyal as a dog, and you are as cute as a bird. You know the way like a horse, you are brilliant like a butterfly, you are diligent like a bee, you are similar in everything, no wonder everyone...calls you a beast! Hahaha
18. The moon is round, the cake is round, the sky is round, the earth is round, and people are reunited; wealth, officialdom, popularity, love, and chance.
19. There is a monkey in the zoo that is so ugly that it makes everyone vomit. One day I went and I vomited; one day you went and the monkey vomited.
20. Your mother is really nice. She raised you up even though you are so ugly! Your mother is so mean, you look so ugly, and she lets you out to scare people!
21. You flashed past, making my blood boil and my heart surge. Looking at your back, I really want to keep you. I told myself that I can’t let you leave again, never. Catch the thief!
22. Wear other people’s shoes and find other people’s paths! It not only prevents others from finding their shoes, but also leaves them with nowhere to go!
23. The flowers were drunk and cried while hugging the leaves; the moon was tired and fell asleep with a piece of cloud; I missed you, was drunk, tired of crying, and heartbroken...
24. In the days without you, I am no longer too lazy to look at the mirror in yellow. Without you, three meals would be tasteless. Human nature is that a little separation is better than a newlywed, but I hope that we will be together every day.
25. Mom, although you object, I still can't forget him. He is the only one in my eyes. Silly boy, don't fall in love. We are mice, but he is a mouse!
26. The elephant saw a group of ants walking towards its home and asked the ants what are you doing? The ant said that Aunt Elephant is sick and we should donate blood!
27. An ant was walking in the forest and was stepped on by a snail. As a result, he went to the hospital and was questioned by the police. The ant said, "Everything happened too fast and I haven't realized it yet."
28. I want to go for a breeze with you, but I’m afraid of rain. I want to go swimming with you, but I’m afraid of other people’s envious looks. I want to watch a movie with you, but I’m afraid of the ticket checkers saying: No dogs allowed.
29. In contemporary society, there is more and less: those who talk more work less, those who have more money have less at home, those who have more beautifications have less clothes, those who have more ideas achieve less, those who work more have less income, those who have many friends have less treats, I wish you happiness .
30. The little donkey said to the donkey mother: "Mom, someone just sent me harassing text messages. Can I reply?" The donkey mother said: "Pigs only reply. It's a donkey, so we won't reply."
31. If you focus on winning money, your eyes will be red, your three meals will be tasteless, your limbs will be weak, your five industries will be ruined, your relatives will be difficult to recognize, your orifices will be filled with smoke, you will borrow money from all directions, you will be stuck in the quagmire for a long time, and you will be in danger of disaster.
32. Please call my mobile phone number: If you want to talk about work, please press 1, if you want to talk about love, please press 2, if you want to talk about life, please press 3, if you want to introduce someone to me, please press #, if you want to invite me to dinner, please say so directly, if you want to borrow money from me, please hang up!
33. You lean on me gently, touch my tender skin with your slender hands, and suck my body fluids with your gentle mouth until you are satisfied and then leave! Oh, damn mosquitoes
34. Yesterday you went to play in the mountains, and you encountered a wild boar that wanted to eat you. At this critical moment, you shouted: Mom. The wild boar was startled: Baby, don't run around anymore. Look, you're all so thin.
35. The son sang loudly while taking a bath. Mom: "Baby, what time is it? Keep your voice down, I'm afraid I'll attract wolves." Daughter: "You praise him too much. He can only scare the wolves away!" Have you ever heard the story of "The big pig said yes, and the little pig said no"?
36. Why are your eyes full of tears, why are your body trembling slightly when you look at me? I know, and you also know, we have a common answer in our hearts: you not only miss me, but... don’t think blindly, I It means you are cold too!
37. One day, the elephant accidentally trampled to death the ant family. Fortunately, one of them survived. It vowed to take revenge. Finally, when the opportunity came, it buried itself in the soil and stretched out one foot and said, "When it comes, I will trip it to death."
38. Don’t stop: keep chasing your dreams; don’t give in: after surviving the night, the sun will rise; the road is hard, sweat is a beautiful gift, remember, you will definitely get happiness, because - you are a pig
39. Your mobile phone has been able to buy rice dumplings since June. To order rice dumplings, dial 110 for delivery and 119 for delivery. If you have any questions, please contact our center. Website: Sanda. Don’t slip up. Don’t trick you. Who can I try? Wish you a happy Dragon Boat Festival.
40. Please put a notebook on the table, and then put your chin on the notebook. Well, this is an early holiday gift for you - notebook brain pad! It's still a pig's head brand! I heard you're moving? The address is No. 520, Xiangai Road, Love City. The landlord is your favorite TA, the rent is your love, and the lease term is for life. congratulations!
41. The soldier called the chief: Report to the chief, the enemy is too cunning, and their hiding place is unexpected. The chief replied: Idiot! Shoot in places you least expect!
42. "A sparrow said: That day I stood on the wire with her, and when our mouths came together, I felt dizzy and my whole body was numb. Yes, that's what kissing feels like. I got an electric shock!"
43. Last night, I asked a mosquito to find you, let it tell you that I miss you, and asked it to kiss you for me, because I can't get close to you now! It will tell you how much I miss you! You ask me how deeply I love you? The big bag represents my heart.
44. I have been by your side and worried about you again and again. Have you had enough to eat today? Did you sleep well? Is it cold late at night? I know you can't take care of yourself. Whenever I walk away, you jump out of the pig pen.
45. You are handsome, you are handsome, you have a nest of cabbage on your head, a sack on your body, and a piece of kelp around your waist. You think you are the invincible of the East, but you are actually the second generation of the declining gods!
46. When my colleague was arguing with someone, he got anxious and said, "Do you think I grew up eating?" I have always wondered what he grew up eating. Your phone has been infected by the latest popular virus. Now I will teach you how to remove it: first throw the phone into a pot and sterilize it at high temperature, then add salt and MSG. Wait until "Disinfection Successful" appears on the phone screen!
47. Don’t ask me why I cry. My tears flow for you and my heart breaks for you. I hate that man, why did he take you away from me. Dead thief
48. "One day a drunk man took a taxi home after drinking. He stopped a 110 patrol car and shouted: Even if you are 110 kilometers away, there is no need to write it in such a big word!"
49. Lovers are roads and friends are pigs. There is only one road in life. There are countless pigs on the road. Don’t forget the road when you are rich. Don’t sell pigs when you are short of money. Don’t get lost when you are happy. Feed the pigs when you are resting.
50. Teach you four magic weapons to identify the quality of a man: identify his circle of friends; identify his level of love; identify his level of tolerance; and identify his work attitude.
51. The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight - at the graduation job fair, someone said to him: "Brother, let me go, you are blocking my mobile phone signal."
52. Your voice came from the valley. I looked down and found you at the corner of the mountain. It was you! It's really you! You were with an old man, and I ran over excitedly and said, "Master, let me borrow the donkey!"
53. Dad: What is 1 plus 2? Son: I don’t know. Dad: For example, how many are you and me, your mother, and you in total? Fool! The son immediately replied: 3 idiots!
54. "As the leader of a black gang, I am very cautious when sending text messages. Fame is given by everyone, status is fought for by brothers, and I must be responsible for everyone! I have been reminding you for decades: Children! It’s time to pay the protection fee. I heard Your mobile phone does not have a text message function, so send this text message as a test. If you receive it and it is confirmed that it has a text message function and it is from me, please reply: I have it, it’s yours!”
55. A shooting star flashed across the night sky. I quickly made a wish, hoping that you would become more beautiful. But as soon as I finished making my wish, the shooting star came back with a "swish" and said to me: Brother! Are you sincerely trying to embarrass me?
56. It’s Chinese New Year, and I’ll give you a pair of couplets! First line: Eat when you should, drink when you should, don’t take it to heart when something happens. Second line: Taking a bath, looking at the watch, feeling comfortable every second. Hengpi: Just be happy!
57. The cat met the mouse and asked for protection money. The mouse had no money to hand over, although it was beaten violently. He fled under the wardrobe and turned into a plastic bag, leaving only half of his body exposed. The cat said: "Grandma, she wears a leather jacket even if she has no money."
58. I like to crawl around on you, touch every inch of your skin, and lie in your arms. I can’t live without you for a moment. I love you - Sofa
59. The little pig asked his mother pig sadly: Mom, am I so stupid? The mother pig comforted the pig and said: Silly son, you are not stupid, the person reading this text message is stupider than you!
60. I will build your happiness; I will make concessions for your consolidation; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed!
61. New year, new scenery, new atmosphere, new clothes, new hats, new looks, new tea, new wine, new friends, new poems, new words and new chapters. I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart, and send you my best wishes! Happy New Year!
62. "The teacher asked Xiao Ming: Did you do that question? Xiao Ming: Which question! Teacher: 3 times 7! Xiao Ming replied: I don't care about three, seven, twenty-one, but I wrote 17."
63. The head can be cut off, but the hairstyle cannot be messed up! The blood may bleed, but the leather shoes must be oiled!
64. "The duck and the crab raced together and reached the finish line together. It was hard to tell the winner. The referee said: Let's do rock-paper-scissors. The duck was furious: You are cruel, but I am wrong? When I come out, it is paper, and he is always scissors. "
65. Why don’t you say hello to a medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak when you meet them on the street? Because they are all "unfamiliar"~
66. The most beautiful thing in the world is the process, the hardest thing is getting to know each other, the most painful thing is waiting, the happiest thing is true love, the most fearful thing is misunderstanding, the most regretful thing is missing out, and the happiest thing is having you as a good friend.
67. “Occasionally when I meet you, your eyes sparkle at me. When I encounter this embarrassing scene, I don’t dare to change my stance. I want to draw a clear line with you with my eyes. I don’t want you to open your mouth and kiss me. Willingness, my God! Whose big wolf dog doesn’t have a chain?”
68. There are three brothers in a family. The eldest brother is called a hooligan, the second brother is called a chopper, and the third brother is called trouble. One day the third child was lost, and the boss took the second child to call the police. When they arrived at the police station, the boss said: I am a gangster who brought a kitchen knife to look for trouble.
69. Xiao Ming was wandering in a supermarket. He put his hand into the price-checking machine. The result showed: pig's trotters, 10 yuan. Xiao Ming thought the machine was malfunctioning, so he stretched his head over. I almost died laughing when I saw it: pig head, 35 yuan.
71. A thief was caught by mistake. The judge asked him: Why did you break into the same store three times in one night and only take one piece of clothing each time? Prisoner: I stole a dress, but my wife was not satisfied and asked me to change it twice.
72. "Congratulations on being admitted to Frog University, Toad Department, Shameless Class. Please bring your mental illness certificate and take the 250 bus to Fool Road. Get off at the Stupid Street stop. Please stand at the door and giggle when you sign up!"
73. Dear mobile phone users: Since making calls on your mobile phone affects the satellite communication signal, please stop using your current mobile phone from now until the end of March next year. Otherwise, there will be consequences at your own risk.
74. "Every story is a fate, and if you miss it inadvertently, it becomes an accident. And what can stand the test is the true fate that lasts a lifetime. When you miss me, it is also the time when I miss you the most. The silly boy finally got up the courage to talk to the girl he liked: What kind of boy do you like? The girl thought for a while and said: You are compatible. The boy was very sad after hearing this, and said after a long time: He must have a round head. Can it be flatter?"
75. The wolf was sick, and the rabbit brought carrots to visit. Wolf: Just come, why are you bringing gifts? Rabbit: Come and see, people say you may not like this gift. Wolf: I like your gift very much, Mr. Carrot.
76. A girl is so ugly that she cannot marry and hopes to be trafficked. My dream finally came true, but I couldn’t sell it for half a month. The kidnappers sent her back, but she refused to get out of the car. The kidnappers gritted their teeth and stamped their feet: Let’s go, I don’t want the car anymore.
77. They said to each other: What's the matter, you are so arrogant as an official, but you still have your little hands on your back? Concave said to Convex: Even though our apartment types are different, our areas are actually about the same! I’m telling you: You little guy, don’t contact me if you find a partner!
78. "I saw you that day. You were sitting under the bright sun, feeling very uncomfortable. I asked: What are you doing? You smiled mysteriously: Shhh, keep your voice down. When I get tanned, no one will call me an idiot. Tips for self-testing vital capacity: After farting, lower your head and inhale sharply, and then observe whether the people around you smell any peculiar smell. If so, you must exercise more according to this method; if not, it proves that you are a superman."
79. "Quotes from Little Shenyang: The world belongs to us and our sons, but ultimately it belongs to those grandsons."
80. The world is boring, my days are boring, and I send you a boring message as a boring greeting at this boring moment. In fact, I really want to ask you, are you boring?
81. Xiaoli boasted to everyone about how outstanding her boyfriend was, and Ada Zhenzhen said: "Of course, just pick one out of a hundred. Then he said: Among a hundred good ones, there is only one bad one, and you picked him!"
82. Distress call: "Fire!" The fire brigade operator asked: "Where?" "At my house!" "I mean how should we get to your house?" "Don't you have a firetruck?"
83. There was a fight between the steamed bun and the noodles, and the steamed bun was made to cry, so he went home and asked Hanamuan Baozi to take revenge. As a result, the instant noodles opened the door, and the steamed bun said: "You have burned your head, and I recognize you too!"
84. I wish in Level 10 English: buy lotus root for zero, buy low child, love spicy food without oil, love silk oil and search for hemp food, love wishful spitting oil, love tiger oil, oh, resist being busy and be forced, Kangmang Kang is busy, having fun every day!
85. All the mental patients were taking a bath in the rain, but one did not go. The doctor asked happily: "Why don't you go?" He said: "You think I am sick, I will wait until the water is hot before going." For your lover, you should choose someone who is as gentle as water and as sweet as honey; for your opponent, you should choose someone who is smart, capable, and strong; for your colleague, you should choose someone who works hard and has no temper; for your friend, you should choose someone who is pig-headed and runny-nosed. Stop looking and wipe your nose quickly.
86. A couple was riding a train. After the train passed through a long and dark tunnel, the man said, "I should have kissed you if I had known the tunnel was so long." The woman screamed: You were not the one who kissed me just now?
87. Teacher: Please use "sad" to make a sentence; Student: There is a ditch in front of my house. It's sad. Teacher's comment: The teacher is more sad than you.
88. My love is empty and my love is empty, and I am wandering in the street; my life is empty and my money is empty, and I am single and working hard; my career is empty and my career is empty, and I am going crazy just thinking about it; my mobile phone is empty and I have no money to recharge, and my life is not easy under pressure;
89. All the roosters chased the hen and crowed loudly. One rooster's eyes were red and silent, and the hen's heart beat. Newlywed, hen: You are so cool, why didn’t you crow at that time? Rooster: I drank too much that day...I was afraid of vomiting.
90. I once thought that if I didn’t know you, there wouldn’t be so much pain, but now I know that without this, what I would lose would be everything I have, because I love you.
91. In the bar, a man was blowing in the sea: When I have money, I will buy a plane and take a ride in the sky! A drunk man came over and interrupted: "What are you doing? I'm driving around the world right now. Those of you who haven't bought a ticket can all go on!"
92. The landlord is looking at the house with the new tenant. Tenant: "It seems that this house leaks all the time." Landlord: "No, no, it only leaks when it rains."
93. Spend 200 yuan to buy a little pig, squeak to drink water, squeak to eat beans, throw it over the wall, and with a squeak, guess what—it’s dead!
94. Don’t stop, keep chasing your dreams; don’t give in, survive the night and the sun will rise; the road is hard, sweat is a beautiful blessing; remember, success lies in the next step; take a big step, yeah, you will fall into the cesspool.
95. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then I have to eat at least a pair of whales...
96. A college student was arrested. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him: Where are you from? I'll electrocute you if I don't tell you! The college student replied to the enemy and was electrocuted to death. He said: I am the father of TV University, and someone stole our car. Do you recognize that person's appearance? I didn’t pay attention, but I remembered the car number!
97. If I give birth to a son named "Beautiful" in the future, when others see me, they will say: "Beautiful mother!" If I give birth to a son named Xiaosa, others will say: Dashing father!
98. When you wake up today, there is a mosquito lying on your pillow, and there is a will next to it: I have struggled all night, and your shamelessness makes me ashamed to live in this world. Oh God! Forgive him, I committed suicide
99. What I want to marry most is the Seven Fairies, what I want to buy most is RMB, what I want to climb most is the ladder to heaven, and what I want to beat most is God! God was born today, give him a quick slap while he is still young, or wait until he grows up
classic joke 2
1. I went to the toilet at the company early this morning. The toilet door latch was broken, so I pulled the toilet door. At this time, a very anxious guy came and pulled my door directly. Yes, I was exerting my strength, and he just opened it. I pulled it out, hey, I started beating him without even wiping my butt.
2. When we were in our third year of high school, our chemistry teacher taught us organic chemistry. The teacher first drew a "peptide bond" on the blackboard, and then said to us: "This is a eunuch, let's put a methyl group on it! Students, where do you want to put it?" At this time, the audience Already laughing like crazy.
3. Jordan: Build the motherland and be loyal to the country. Nepal: Motherland is more precious than heaven. Myanmar: A harmonious and orderly life contains happiness. France: Liberty, Equality, Fraternity. Netherlands: We must insist on wishing Belgium: Unity is strength. Andorra: I will not offend anyone unless they offend me. Switzerland: All for all, all for one. China: People's Bank of China.
4. The purpose of collecting scriptures is definitely not for the scriptures. In fact, the real identity of the four people headed by Tang Monk is the rectification dispatch team. The previous session was very clear about the Bodhisattva and Immortal conniving their subordinates to do evil, but they couldn't take action because of the mutual respect between them. That’s why we found four people who had no foundation in the two worlds of gods and Buddhas. In the name of obtaining scriptures, and using Tang Monk’s meat as bait, they eliminated all kinds of monsters. This is also easy to explain. Those with a background were taken away by the gods, and those without a background were taken away by the gods. Beat to death...
5. Someone found a job in a dairy farm. On his first day at work, the boss gave him a bucket and a stool and asked him to go to the milk shed to milk cows. He happily accepted the order. When he got off work, the boss saw that milk had been spilled all over him and the stool leg was broken, so he asked him: "How is it? Is this job difficult?"
6. A classmate in the dormitory went to the toilet and accidentally dropped his phone while playing with it. Then, he went back and got a pair of chopsticks to pick them out. Just as he was about to take off his chopsticks, a buddy entered the toilet. Seeing this, the man asked with concern: "Brother, haven't you eaten yet?"
7. Summer is here, and there are mosquitoes in the dormitory, and the mosquitoes from the first floor to the fifth floor are more severe than the last. Members of the community ranked them. The announcement is now as follows: First floor: All living things among flies; Second floor: Brave among mosquitoes; Third floor: Warriors among mosquitoes; Fourth floor: Elite among mosquitoes; Fifth floor: Supreme among mosquitoes; Sixth floor: Supreme among mosquitoes. Our dormitory has no six. building.
8. In the Chinese class, the teacher asked the students: "Whoever dies will have a smile on his face." Student A said: "When a fish dies, it will have a smile on its face. Fish can't live without water." Student B said: "Death of thirst. A wise man will always have a smile on his face."
9. I am a high school teacher from LZ. In today’s class, I forced a kid to pretend to be innocent and asked, “Teacher, teacher, do we have a holiday on Children’s Day?” I told him seriously that the Children’s Day holiday is based on age, not IQ. . Then, the whole class laughed, and I felt that he was not feeling well.
10. I remember there was an exam in junior high school, and the math test was in it. The weather was cool and I accidentally fell asleep. I was dreaming! The invigilator called me: "Wake up, classmate, you have half an hour to hand in your paper. Let your paper dry, the teacher can't bind it." The eyes of the entire examination room were focused on me, including the goddess in my heart at that time.
11. In class, the teacher talked about the acacia tree, and the students listened attentively. After the teacher finished speaking, he finally added: "There is a tree like this next to the toilet in our school." At this time, a male student raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to go out for a while." Teacher: "We are in class, you want to Where to go?" The classmate said: "Under the acacia tree."
12. During primary school class, the teacher asks students to memorize a knowledge point, and they often ask: "Can you remember it?!" Then everyone shouts in unison: "Yes!" One day, after the teacher finished teaching a knowledge point, he asked: "Can everyone remember it?" Can’t forget?” Then, the classmate responded reflexively: Yes!
13. The teacher said that my IQ was low, so I asked the teacher a question. I asked the teacher whether your grandpa and grandma entered the bridal chamber with an idiom. The teacher said that there was a happy event in the family, but I said it wrong. I was just teasing your grandma!
14. During the Chinese class, the teacher asked: "What kind of person do you most want to be?" Erke said to his classmate Huahua: "I most want to be a candle that burns silently and dedicates myself." Huahua replied: "You When I just fell asleep, I dripped a lot of wax oil!”
15. When we were in primary school, the teacher asked us to write essays. "My most unforgettable person", "The person who impressed me the most", "My favorite person", I wrote these three essays. Because of my sprained ankle, our second grade math teacher carried it to me. Crossing the river. The Chinese teacher got angry and asked me in front of the whole class: "How many times has your math teacher memorized you?"
16. When I was preparing for the CET-4 exam, I felt that I couldn’t pass it, so I asked a graduate student for advice. As we were chatting, I started talking about how I would copy the ones next to me tomorrow. She just smiled and said nothing. On the day of the exam, I walked into the exam room and saw my senior sister. She had a sign hanging on her chest with the words "Invigilator" written on it...
17. Teacher: “How is your English level now?” Classmate: “The same as my Japanese level.” Teacher: “Can you speak Japanese?” Classmate: “No.” Teacher: “…”
18. Our high school gives a thousand yuan bonus to the top ten students in grade every semester. He is an outstanding person. He received bonuses from the first semester of high school to the first semester of senior year. He saved 5,000 and bought an iPhone in the second semester of senior year. Later, I failed the college entrance examination...
19. Every time when the school comes for general cleaning, the head teacher will say: "The school is my home, we must clean it carefully and clean it thoroughly." But once you are late, the head teacher will say: "You think the school is your home." Ah, you’re as late as you want to be?”
100 Funny Humorous Jokes Short
Humorous stories are humorous and will enrich your personality; each story is very close to your life and can bring you happiness and relaxation in addition to your intense study life. Some short stories directly shake up the "baggage" and inspire you to laugh; while more short stories are intelligent jokes that require a sharp turn in your thinking before you laugh. Below are the humorous jokes I collected for you. Did you laugh?
More humorous jokes related articles content recommendations (↓↓↓)Super humorous jokes collection
The most classic humorous jokes
A collection of classic and funny humorous jokes
funny humor jokes funny jokes
Classic humorous joke stories
1. There was a polar bear and a penguin playing together. The penguin pulled out the hairs on his body one by one. After pulling out, he said to the polar bear: "It's so cold!" After hearing this, the penguin also pulled out the hair on his body. He plucked out the hairs one by one, turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!
2. Xiao Ming lost a leg in a car accident.
Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident,
Xiao Ming lost his other leg in another car accident.
Xiao Ming lost another leg in a car accident.
In fact, Xiao Ming is a dog.
3. One day, Cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so she took off one piece of clothing after another, and then she was gone.
4. There was a bun walking on the road. I felt very hungry, so I ate it myself.
5. Xiao Ming and Xiao Hong were at the same table. One day, Xiao Ming borrowed a pen from Xiao Hong.
Xiaohong said "I won't borrow it"
"Lend it to me and you'll die!"
Then, Xiaohong said: "Oh, let me lend it to you."
When Xiao Ming returned the pen to Xiao Hong, Xiao Hong was really dead.
6. Once upon a time there was a little lamb. One day he went out to play and met a big bad wolf. The big bad wolf said: "I'm going to eat you!!!"
Guess what happened?
As a result, the big bad wolf ate the lamb.
7. Chongchong: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?
Xiaohua: No, I’m useless.
Chongchong: Are you really useless?
Xiaohua: I’m so useless!
Chongchong: Alas, you are the 17th person to admit that you are useless.
8. When will Taiwan want to be reunified?
When buying instant noodles
9. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father: "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" His father said: "Silly boy, how can you be a stupid boy?"
10. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met each other on the street. Why didn’t they say hello? (Assuming they can talk)
Because...they are not familiar with each other~~~~~~~~
11. Devil: God, can I be reincarnated?
God: Yes.
Devil: I don’t want to be a devil anymore. I want to be as white as an angel and have a pair of wings, but I still want to suck blood.
God: Well, then you can be reincarnated as Hushu Bao
12. Someone met God one day
God suddenly became kind and planned to grant that person a wish
God asked: What is your wish?
The man thought for a while and said: I heard that cats have 9 lives, so please give me 9 lives!
God said: Your wish comes true!
One day, that person was bored,
I want to say that I just want to die, but I have 9 lives anyway?
Just lying on the rails,
As a result, a train passed by,
The man is still dead.
Why is this?
Because that train has 10 carriages.
13. Xiao Ming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank. Xiao Ming begged him to give in for a few more days.
The man from the bank said: "You must pay it back tomorrow, otherwise... chop off 2 fingers;
If it’s the day after tomorrow... I’m cutting 4 of them; if it’s the third day...”
Xiao Ming: "Don't you need to pay it back?"
The banker said: "NO, then you will become Tinker Bell."
14. There was a man who had a bad gastrointestinal problem. One day, he came to the gastroenterology hospital for treatment and said to the doctor: "I eat whatever I eat, watermelon, cucumber, cucumber!" The doctor thought for a while and said to him: "I think all you can do is eat shit!"
15. Three little animals were chatting in the forest. Piggy said: Nicknames are popular nowadays. You can call me Piggy after you. Little Rabbit said: OK, then I will be called Little Rabbit. The little chicken looked unhappy and said: I still have something to do, so I’ll leave first.
16. A person went to the hospital to see a doctor. The doctor said: You need a blood test, a urine test, and a stool test.
After a while, he came back and said to the doctor: I also swallowed blood. I also swallowed urine. But I really couldn’t swallow stool.
100 jokes collectionThere are three people in the family, named Robber, Chopper and Trouble respectively.
One day, Trouble disappeared. The robber came to the Public Security Bureau with a kitchen knife and said to the police: "Hello, I am a robber. I brought a kitchen knife to find Trouble."
Heehee and Haha are good friends, very good friends.
One day, Haha died. Hehe was very sad. He walked to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."
On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but the 1 yuan for the ride. Sitting from the starting station to the final station, I felt calm all the way. But when I got off the bus at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "Isn't it a shame for an adult to go out without taking anything with him? --"
On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession.--"
On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet and found 100 yuan in counterfeit bills. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in the wallet: "It is illegal to hide fake copies of large denominations privately, please consciously go to the relevant departments and hand them in. -- "
On Thursday, I got an envelope containing a stack of expired Straits Talent Newspaper. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and looked at it. The newspaper had been replaced by the latest Straits Talent News. I took a note with me: "This is the era of consultation. Only by updating information in a timely manner can we seize opportunities and win success." !--"
On Friday, I put a toy phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the phone was still there, with an additional note: "Please don't make this joke and affect the normal work of our company. -- "
On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. After arriving at the terminal, I found that the gun was missing and a note was stuffed in the waistband of my trousers: "I hate you robbers the most, you have no technical skills at all! Confiscate the crime tools! -- "
On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, but there were too many people and I couldn’t get on. While I was waiting for the next bus, I touched my pocket and found an extra 20 bucks and a note: "Brother, it's not easy for people in our line of work to be exposed to the sun and wind all day long. Here's my 20 bucks." , take a taxi wherever you want to go, please stop teasing us."
Three mice are bragging. One said: "I eat rat poison as candy, and I feel uncomfortable if I don't eat it for a day." The other said: "I love walking down the street twice a day, otherwise I can't sleep well." The third mouse said: "Oh my God. It’s late, go home and hug the cat to sleep.”
When a couple gets divorced and fights over the child, the wife says confidently: "If the child comes out of my belly, of course it belongs to me!" The husband says: "It's a joke! It's just nonsense. Can the money taken out of the ATM be returned to the ATM? Who else is it?" Who owns the card?
A mother said to a little girl: "If someone sexually harasses you, touch the top and say "no" and touch the bottom and say "stop"!"
The next day, the little girl was sexually harassed. She came back crying and told her mother. After hearing what the little girl said, her mother said angrily, "Did you reject that person?"
The little girl looked at her mother with innocent eyes, nodded and said, "That person touched him up and down, so I said, "Don't~~stop"!!"
Ge Liang is a man who is proficient in all kinds of skills, one of which is ventriloquism. But on this day, Zhuge Liang was discussing things with Liu Bei in the tent, and Zhuge Liang suddenly wanted to fart.
I'm afraid that Liu Bei will hear me, so I'm sorry. He had an idea and said: "My lord, in order to adjust the atmosphere, how about I imitate the woodpecker call and call it to you?" Liu Bei nodded.
Zhuge Liang imitated the sound of a woodpecker and took the opportunity to fart. Then he asked: "How is it, my lord? Does it sound like what I learned?" Liu Bei said: "You can learn it again. Just now
You farted so loudly that I didn't hear you. "
It was the first time for a primary school student to participate in the school's recitation competition. He was very nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweaty. It was finally her turn.
The primary school student gritted his teeth and walked to the center of the stage in a few steps: "Teachers and classmates, the title of my recitation is: The red leaves are crazy (maple)..."~~·#￥__...
When I was still a primary school student, I was particularly envious when I saw my classmates who were asked to read "Composition" by the teacher. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it once. The opportunity came.
"So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!"
The primary school student stood up and said: ""My Teacher". Teacher, I look so much like your mother...": (
This time it was a poorly trained host of a song and dance troupe.
During a performance, I rushed on stage without preparing properly.
The performances proceed in sequence.
It was her turn to announce the curtain: "Friends in the audience, please listen to Duzi's flute playing..." (Note: "Duzi" means an insult in Northeastern dialect)
The audience was stunned·#￥-
At home, I often plant green onions in pots in the winter to keep them fresh and tender.
My sister came home during the Chinese New Year and saw it. She happily said to my mother: "Hey! Mom, these are really thick green onions..."
My mother and I both laughed.
There is a neighbor I call "Auntie" who rides a bicycle to work every day.
Early in the morning, when I met her at the door, I smiled and said politely: "Shanggu, the top class..."
Bah!... I wanted to bite my tongue off.
A female classmate, one day looking at herself in pity, suddenly turned to the person behind her and said, "Isn't my chest hair beautiful?"
Startled, he added, "Oh, I wanted to ask if my eyebrows are fierce."
Everyone stand up! Play the national flag and raise the national anthem...
There is also a sentence taken from a novel by a Russian writer: The houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich).
As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to gentlemen. As soon as he finished speaking, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do all these old ladies live?
Electric Appliances held a joke telling competition, stipulating that each appliance must tell a joke and make every audience laugh, otherwise they will be arrested and sent to Aruba.
The first person to appear was the washing machine. As soon as he finished telling the joke, the whole audience laughed.
Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"
So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.
The smartest computer came next. As soon as he finished telling his joke, all the household appliances laughed.
Then I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"
So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.
The third place is the most humorous lamp. Desk Lamp finished telling the joke very confidently, and everyone was rolling on the ground laughing.
The rice cooker said again: "It's so cold~~~"
Just when the lamp was about to be taken away to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily, turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I've had enough. Just smile. Don't open your mouth so wide. It's cold." well!"
Electric Appliances held a joke telling competition, stipulating that each appliance must tell a joke and make every audience laugh, otherwise they will be arrested and sent to Aruba.
The first person to appear was the washing machine. As soon as he finished telling the joke, the whole audience laughed.
Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"
So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.
The smartest computer came next. As soon as he finished telling his joke, all the household appliances laughed.
Then I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"
So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.
The third place is the most humorous lamp. Desk Lamp finished telling the joke very confidently, and everyone was rolling on the ground laughing.
The rice cooker said again: "It's so cold~~~"
Just when the lamp was about to be taken away to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily, turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I've had enough. Just smile. Don't open your mouth so wide. It's cold." well!"
Electric Appliances held a joke telling competition, stipulating that each appliance must tell a joke and make every audience laugh, otherwise they will be arrested and sent to Aruba.
The first person to appear was the washing machine. As soon as he finished telling the joke, the whole audience laughed.
Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"
So the washing machine was taken to Aruba.
The smartest computer came next. As soon as he finished telling his joke, all the household appliances laughed.
Then I heard the rice cooker say: "It's so cold~~~"
So! The computer was also taken to Aruba.
The third place is the most humorous lamp. Desk Lamp finished telling the joke very confidently, and everyone was rolling on the ground laughing.
The rice cooker said again: "It's so cold~~~"
Just when the lamp was about to be taken away to Aruba, the rice cooker stood up angrily, turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said, "I've had enough. Just smile. Don't open your mouth so wide. It's cold." well!"
ugly child
A woman gets on a bus with a child in her arms. The driver glanced at the child and suddenly said: "I have never seen such an ugly child in my life!"
The angry woman walked to the last row, sat down, and said to a man next to her: "This driver just insulted me!"
The man replied: "Hurry up and settle the accounts with him, and I will hold this ugly monkey for you!..."
A collection of 100 classic humorous jokes1. The fish seller kept shouting at the top of his lungs: "Fish, fish." The date seller next to him was not to be outdone, and immediately shouted: "Oops (jujubes), oops (jujubes)."" "Fish."
2. The director of a township enterprise is going to visit Kobe, Japan. He cannot even speak Mandarin and usually only speaks dialects. So he asked his subordinates to find a translator. The subordinates came back and reported: "None of the Japanese translators can understand the factory director's dialect." The factory director said: "This is easy to handle. We will bring another teacher from this town and ask him to translate our dialect into Mandarin first." The subordinate said: "It's not possible yet. When we get to Japan, we have to hire someone to translate the Japanese dialect into Mandarin." 'Mandarin' translates to Kobe's dialect. "
3. A foreigner with a strong dialect got lost in the city. When he saw a gentle lady approaching, he went up to him and asked: "Comrade Rabbit, give me a kiss..." Before she finished speaking, the young lady's face turned red with anger.
4. A southerner came to a snack bar in Beijing and asked the waitress: "How much does it cost to sleep for one night (a bowl of dumplings)?" When the waiter heard this, his expression changed drastically and he screamed: "Rogue!" When the southerner heard this , said: "It's only 60 cents, it's cheap, come for one night (bowl)."
5. A pair of farmer brothers and sisters were pulling wheat to the market on a cart. A southerner came to the brother and sister and asked: "Brother, how do you sell your little sister (wheat)?" The elder brother was so angry that veins popped out on his forehead. .
6. The old man Niu was shouting: "We are selling mooncakes, four yuan for ten." Many people gathered around to buy the "cheap" mooncakes. When they paid, they realized that the old man's mooncakes were ten yuan for four.
7. The elderly people in the nursing home held a party on the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival. The host, Mrs. Wang, said: "Everyone, the performance is about to begin. Please be quiet."
8. A northerner asked where the "cable car" was in a park in Guangzhou. He searched for it according to the answer and found the "men's toilet".
9. In the early morning of the first day after a couple got married, the family got up and washed their faces. The bride respectfully said to her mother-in-law: "Mother-in-law, please wash (wash) first." After saying that, the bride said to the groom: "Mother-in-law, please wash your face first." Are you going to die?" He paused and said, "My mother-in-law and you are dead, and I will die last." After hearing this, my mother-in-law turned pale and couldn't say a word. The bride then said, "Mother-in-law, why aren't you dead yet?"
10. An old lady in Putian was selling sugar cane on the roadside. A bus stopped. A foreigner in the bus came to the old lady’s stall to buy sugar cane. She had just weighed the sugar cane and hadn’t paid yet when the car started. The old lady urged: "Hurry up, give me your money, and I will marry you (sugar cane)." The outsider was so frightened that he didn't even take the sugar cane and quickly got into the car.
11. A country girl came to the supermarket, and the waiter greeted her enthusiastically: "Miss, what do you want?" The girl said: "I want your life (noodles), pig sun (bamboo shoots)."
12. Chunhua met a friend who was shopping with her son. She hurriedly came up to say hello and praised: "This little wolf boy (boy) is so cute."
13. A rural primary school was in class, and the teacher walked into the classroom: "Stand (on) class." The students said in unison: "Good old and die (teacher)!" The teacher said: "Students who vomit blood, die early (Part 1) good!"
14. Two country girls came back from the city. It was getting late. They saw a truck approaching and waved to the truck. The driver stuck his head out and one of the girls said: "Comrade, we can be your wives." Car?" The driver said angrily: "Who wants you to be my wife?" The other girl quickly said: "It doesn't matter, we are very close." The driver was so angry that he drove away. : "Who will go with you personally?"
15. The village chief said at the village meeting: "Rabbits and shrimps, pickles are too expensive. I don't want pickled cucumbers, I want pig's trotters." Translated from his dialect into Mandarin, he said: Comrades and fellow villagers, the meeting is now in progress, please do not speak. ,pay attention.
100 Funniest Humor StoriesWhen my friend and I first moved, we didn’t have a TV at home and we were very bored. We pretended there was a TV on the table, and then the two of us pretended to have remote controls in our hands and could change the channel. This bastard kept changing the channel. I told him, but he didn't listen, and then we started fighting.
The teacher asked Xiao Ming a question in class, but Xiao Ming stood up but remained silent.
Teacher: Xiao Ming?
Teacher: Xiao Ming??
Teacher: Xiao Ming! What’s wrong with you? Do you know the answer? Just give it a shout!
Xiao Ming: squeak~
Three little rabbits pooping
The first one is long.
The second one is round.
The third one is actually triangular.
Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hands.
Zhu Bajie was making out with Chang'e on the moon. Suddenly a black shadow passed by. Zhu Bajie hurriedly picked up the rake.
He chased him out and came back after a while, saying: Damn it, Yang Liwei...
A man kept a parrot, which was so powerful that it killed all the other birds kept with it.
Later, the owner brought back a hawk and rested it with it. When the owner came to take a look, there were parrot feathers hanging outside the cage.
The master said: "I won't ____ this time."
But when he looked carefully, he saw that the eagle was dead and the parrot was naked and said: "This grandson is really powerful. He really can't beat Ya Ting without taking off his shirt."
Have you ever heard the joke "The big pig says yes and the little pig says no?" Most people will answer no.
I was playing CS in an Internet cafe today. Not far away, there were two non-mainstream players playing Jin5, clicking the keyboard! I was very unhappy!
So, I also started pressing the keyboard! I pressed hard! I pressed harder! I pressed faster than them! It was louder than them!
They couldn't help but look over, and I deliberately glanced at them contemptuously! Their expressions changed and they glared at me fiercely! I immediately stared back!
They continued to play Jin 5 with livid faces, but the sound was louder than mine!
How could I be willing to do so? So, I just slapped the keyboard with my palm! Hit it hard! Hit it hard!
The two guys lost their enthusiasm at first sight and started slapping the keyboard! The sound was louder than mine again!
How could I give up? Immediately hit the keyboard with my fist! Hit it hard! Hit it hard!
The two people looked at each other and started hitting the keyboard! The sound surpassed me again! I didn't give up! I ripped off the keyboard and threw it directly to the ground! I stepped on it hard! I stepped on it hard!
Everyone in the Internet cafe gave me the warmest applause! Those two non-mainstream people were dumbfounded and at a loss!
However, when I looked at it with provocative eyes, they also became angry! They also tore off the keyboard! Throw it on the ground and trample it to pieces! Then they also looked at me provocatively!
At this time, the network administrators of the Internet cafe surrounded them! One network administrator looked at the keyboard that was trampled to pieces by them, and slapped him! Then the network administrators swarmed up and beat the two non-mainstream people!
Finally, two non-mainstream people were lying on the ground. One of the non-mainstream people pointed at me and asked weakly: "Why don't you... beat him?"
A network administrator kicked me over: "I play CS, so I brought my own keyboard!"
One day on the bus, a woman left her seat in order to buy a ticket. When she came back, she found that her seat was occupied by another woman. She was very unwilling and said loudly: Laying eggs is not good, occupying a nest is faster. The woman sitting on the seat heard this, stood up quickly, and said with a smile: I'm sorry for delaying your laying of eggs!
A man kept a parrot, which was so powerful that it killed all the other birds kept with it.
Later, the owner brought back a hawk and rested it with it. When the owner came to take a look, there were parrot feathers hanging outside the cage.
The master said: "I won't ____ this time."
But when he looked carefully, he saw that the eagle was dead and the parrot was naked and said: "This grandson is really powerful. He really can't beat Ya Ting without taking off his shirt."
A driver drove a truck full of hens and teased his parrot while driving. A beautiful girl hit the truck. The driver put the parrot in the truck box with the hens and asked the beautiful girl to sit in the cab. After driving for a while, the driver asked the beautiful woman tentatively: "Can I kiss you?" The beautiful woman shook her head very shyly and said, "No." After waiting for a while, the driver reluctantly asked again: "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head and said: "No." The driver said angrily: "If you can't, just get off." After driving for a while, the driver felt that what he was doing was very ungentlemanly, so he went back and asked the beauty to get in the car. But after driving for a while, the driver stopped. Reluctantly, she asked again: "Can I kiss you?" The beauty still shook her head, "Can I hug you?" The beauty still shook her head, "If not, just get off." After repeating this three times, they finally arrived at the chicken farm. The driver opened the car and saw There were only a few hens left, and the parrot picked up one of the hens and asked: "Can I kiss the beautiful woman?" The hen shook her head desperately, and the parrot asked again: "Can I hug the beautiful woman?" The hen still shook its head. The parrot said: "If you can't, get down." The hen was thrown out of the car...
The little white rabbit was walking in the forest. When he met the big bad wolf, he came up and gave the little white rabbit two big ear stickers and said, "I will let you not wear a hat." The little white rabbit retreated aggrievedly.
The next day, she jumped out of the house wearing a hat, and met the big bad wolf again. He walked up to the little white rabbit and gave the little white rabbit two big mouths, saying, "I let you wear the hat."
Bunny was depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.
After explaining the situation, Tiger said, "Okay, I understand. I will handle this matter. You have to trust the organization." That day, the tiger found his buddy, the big bad wolf. "It's not right for you to do this. It's making it difficult for me." After saying that, he wiped the cigarette ashes falling on the table: "Do you think this is okay? You can say, Tutu, come here and find me a piece of meat." Go! She asked for a fat one and you said you wanted a thin one. Then you can beat her. Of course, you can also say this. I’m looking for a woman. She’s looking for a plump one, and you say you like a slim one. She’s looking for a slim one, and you’re looking for a plump one. You can beat her properly and forcefully.” The big bad wolf nodded frequently and clapped his hands, and his respect for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above guidance work was overheard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I feel this hatred in my heart.
The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence, the big bad wolf came towards him. The Big Bad Wolf said: "Rabbit, come here and find me a piece of meat." Rabbit said: "Then, do you want to be fat or thin?" After hearing this, the Big Bad Wolf felt his heart sink. Another joy, I said to myself, luckily there is Plan B. He then said: "Tutu, find me a woman quickly." Tutu asked: "Well, do you like plump ones or slim ones?" The big bad wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to update. I gave Tutu two big-eared posts. "Fuck, I told you not to wear a hat."
The little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked: "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Ah, I'm so sorry, there aren't that many"
"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.
The next day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
Boss: "Sorry, still not available"
"That's it..." The little white rabbit walked away dejectedly.
On the third day, the little white rabbit jumped to the bakery and asked, "Boss, do you have a hundred buns?"
The boss said happily: "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today!!"
The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!"
A primary school student confessed his love to his teacher, whom he had a crush on for a long time. The teacher said it was wrong, but he didn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't bear it anymore and said: I don't want children. The primary school student said: I will be careful!".
A certain mental hospital heard that the leader was coming to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the director convened a meeting with the patients.
The dean said: "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and everyone should go to the door to welcome them. In Huan
When I was greeted, all the patients stood on both sides of the hospital gate, standing neatly. When I coughed, everyone cheered together.
The more enthusiastic the palms, the better; when I stamp my feet, they must all stop, and no one can make a mistake. I want everyone to do a good job.
We can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person messes up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember
Have you?" The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"
That afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the door, the welcoming patients were already standing at the door.
At this moment, as the director coughed, all the patients applauded and welcomed him, and the atmosphere was very warm. Leaders who came to visit
Infected by the warm atmosphere, I walked into the hospital with a smile on my face and applauded with everyone. I saw that the leader had already entered the hospital.
In the courtyard, the dean stamped his foot, and all the applause stopped. It was very neat. Only this leader is still smiling and drumming
The dean moved forward with his palm, feeling very satisfied. Suddenly, a man as strong as Schwarzenegger sprang out from the welcoming crowd.
He strode up to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face with his round fist, and shouted angrily - "You don't want to eat steamed buns anymore?!!!"
There were three people competing in marksmanship, with a black man holding something as a target.
The first man placed an apple on the black man's head, then raised his hand and shot the apple 10 meters away. He blew the gun and said: I'm Zorro!
The second man put a cherry on the black man's head, then raised his hand and shot the cherry 50 meters away. He blew on the gun and said: I'm007
The third man put a sesame seed on the black man's head, then raised his hand and shot the black man's head from a distance of 100 meters. He also blew on the gun and said: I'm sorry …
A scientist arrived at the Antarctic and encountered a group of penguins. He asked one of them: "What do you do every day?" The penguin said: "Eat, sleep and play beans."
Later, he met a little penguin, which looked very cute, and asked it: "Kid, what do you do every day?" The little penguin said: "Eat and sleep." The scientist was stunned, and then asked: "Why don't you fight? Doudou?”
The little penguin said: "Because I am Doudou."
The most hilarious names in the country~~Don’t laugh!!
According to the name query system of the Ministry of Public Security, the most hilarious names in the country~~
Liu Chan Lai Yuejing (still a boy)
Fan Jian Ji Congliang Fan Tong
Xia Jianren, Zhu Yiqun, Qin Shousheng (lucky his parents figured it out)
Pang Guang Du Qiyan Wei Shengjin
Jiao Hougen Shen Jingbing Du Ziteng
Ranked No. 1: Shi Zhenxiang
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The above is all about the classic joke collection with 00 hilarious items, humorous jokes rich in philosophy, and the related content of the classic joke collection with 100 hilarious items. I hope it can help you.